Words

I leave the words behind when I meet you.
And every time we kiss I do too.
I don’t want them tumbling from my mouth –
Carelessly falling about.
I leave the words behind when things are perfect as this.
Words define feelings that may not even exist.
Feelings between us that need time to breathe
Without the limitations of our vocabulary.
I leave the words behind because I don’t want to interfere
With the magic happening between your heart and my ear.

Sanity, solitude and self

To escape the pressure of his thoughts his words rolled down her legs and left her with a feeling of none, and a year of deliberate solitude.

But our desires have always been our truths and so their places as road-safe, happy wanderers were secure. Signs along the way confuse them so she goes where she is, sometimes finding his words but mostly she finds a feeling of none.

Unnamed and colourless, she shoves away any feelings she knew before, for an affair with a feeling of none.

Haemostasis

Stuck in a circle steadily I slipped

Words bled from my lips

My feet fought the trip

I spun into a controlled state of doubt

Re-tinting my world with your selfish clout

I have lusted, I had leased your love but I lucked out

With you I had tiptoed endlessly through tenses of truth and dare

While time, a secret lover, minded her affairs

Years disappeared I was unaware

Of my undiagnosed state while under your care

My heart bled out, my adrenalin neutralised

Enchantment faded with each reprise

This chronic state was wearing me down

I tried getting up and planting my feet back on the ground

But I couldn’t take flight, I had no more fight

So I rescued my heart to nurture it back to life

And just like that your withdrawal kicked in

My happy heart was your medicine

Turns out it was you, not me, who was the patient

But because of you I needed Haemostasis

In fairness you never prescribed me a fairy tale high

Never once made me a promise that you’d be mine

Yet you pleaded for a love of some indefinite kind

And you prince charmed me into giving it up every time

And so I lusted, I leased your love and repeatedly I lucked out

I lusted, I leased your love and now
I am lovered out!

Shit. Yes, shit.

My friend V is experiencing some love drama. Like me, she really feels a situation so over the past few days she was excited, a little anxious I’m sure and then angry and hurt. She was trying to go all out and surprise her man on his birthday, which was today. No surprises happened though because (I believe) they misunderstand one another’s expressions of love. Or one (or both) of them totally understand the message but is choosing to return to sender.

All she had to say about it when we spoke earlier is: shit happens.

It does, yes. It’s probably the most natural part of life. 🙂

Love sick

Mythical ever afters, broken heart and bruised ego;

After all my princes this is what I have to show.

Each time I fell I looked back and thought,

I’m doing it differently this time, I’m love-taught.

 

And so tightly I held on to my precious heart.

And carefully I fell, in fact not really falling I was,

Treading too smartly to be reckless because I

Have learned to love carefully over time.

 

And how lucky I was to meet someone who too,

Was taking care of his heart the way I do.

Checking regularly for cracks, making sure it shone,

Perhaps he’s perfect for me, maybe he’s the one!

 

If he keeps his heart so closely guarded,

He’ll be careful not to hurt me, not love too hard.

He loves me gently, with open-eyed kisses.

So much care, too much care, is this what love is?

 

Second-guessing my intentions, he’s clearly not all in.

Who does that anyway? Love’s a delicious mess – jump in!

Love: an ill-usin’

Gimme an ill-usin’
Tug me, push and bruise me
Give me, give me

Lose me: my time and energy
Use me: I’m prescribed to heal
I’m Woman, I’m real

Use me
Til there’s nothing
See me, I’m what you need

I’m king in a woman’s hood:
Where we clean, we cook,
We birth, we nurse
We build home and work
Bringing out your best and worse
And keep you wanting more
More
More

Use me, use me if this is all you think there is to me
Use me and this is all we’ll get from the deal

Use me, I’m using you too
This is love, there’s no choosing
Love just an illusion
You. Me. We’re just ill-usin’